Forget About Me
by forgotten-serenity
Summary: A mistake Olivia makes at work may cost her the one person closest to her heart.
1. Between The Lines

This story is inspired by my current favorite song "Edge of Desire" by John Mayer. That's where the inlayed lyrics come from. Thanks for reading. Enjoy...

* * *

Olivia paced her apartment at breakneck speed. She let a perp go. She let him run away. She had her gun on him, but looked away for half a second and he split. She chased him, but by the time she had started running, he was already over two fences and through a maze of people.

She wanted to hit something, break something, set something on fire. She wanted to destroy something. That man could harm another woman and Olivia could have stopped it. She kicked over the end table next to her couch, sending a lamp and a few pictures clattering to the ground. The lamp shattered. She found that to be dangerous because it was still plugged in so she kicked the plug out of the wall.

She sunk onto her couch and put her head in her hands. Tears were welling up in her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. She hated crying. She was just so frustrated with herself and with the world that turned out the kind of criminals that would hurt women and children without blinking an eye.

Olivia saw her phone in the mess of broken lamp on the floor. She knew one person who could always calm her down. Alex had always been able to rationalize Olivia into contentment. They had become friends quickly. They were two islands of sanity in a sea of testosterone and they both needed someone they could trust to talk to. Their friendship developed at a naturally rapid pace. At some point though, when they were having coffee one night, Olivia realized that her feelings for the blonde went beyond mere friendship. Maybe she had looked into those dazzling blue eyes a little too long or maybe she had joked around just to see the blonde smile a little too much, but Olivia knew she was long gone. Head over heels. The whole kit and caboodle.

Of course after a terrible experience with a much less mature detective a few years back, Olivia resolved never to get involved with a coworker. Ever. She knew it never led to anything good. So she never said anything to Alex. She never even hinted that she wanted to be more than friends.

However, at this point, Olivia was ready to throw it all out the window. She gingerly picked up her phone, dusted it off to make sure no glass had gotten in it and dialed.

_Don't say a word  
Just come over and lie here with me  
Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see_

"Cabot," came the answer on the other line. The background noise came through the line like thunder.

At first Olivia was speechless. In her haste, she forgot to think of something to say. She sighed. Olivia already felt raw and she wasn't sure her voice could handle many words.

Alex knew who was calling her. She heard the detective's sigh come through the other line. After spending copious amounts of time with the detective, she knew something was wrong. She glanced at her date who was sitting patiently, picking at the sleeve of his coat.

The blonde waited for any more sound from Olivia. Finally the detective spoke in a soft, broken voice, "I need to see you." Olivia didn't wait for a response before hanging up.

That was all Alex needed to hear. She stood, picked up her clutch and added to her date, "I'm sorry. I have to run. It's an emergency."

He stood, "Can I see you again?"

She nodded and kissed his cheek, "Call me."

As she quickly walked to her car, she knew that she'd leave a date with any man in the entire world if Olivia needed her.

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe  
There I just said it  
I'm scared you'll forget about me _

She wasn't really sure if Alex would come. She heard Alex say something about a date earlier. Olivia trudged into the bedroom and fell onto the bed. She managed to kick her shoes off before staring at the wall. In this state, she may break her rule of never getting involved with a coworker. She felt raw. She felt exposed and if Alex came she would see Olivia like that. Then Olivia might test their friendship in the ultimate test of friendship.

_So young and full off running  
All the way to the edge of desire  
Steady my breathing  
Silently screaming  
I have to have you now _

Alex didn't even go home and change before going to Olivia's apartment. She walked up the three flights of stairs in her heels without even blinking. She was focused on the brunette upstairs, not how her shoes were killing her feet. When she got to the door, she saw that the letter had fallen off the front door. Alex knew what that meant. The door had been shut very hard, probably slammed.

She picked up the letter, placing it on the nail. Then she tried to doorknob and wasn't surprised to find the door unlocked. When Olivia was angry when she got home, she usually forgot to lock the door.

The blonde walked into the apartment and closed and locked the door behind her. Once she took a step inside, she saw the broken lamp on the ground next to the table on its side.

She slid off her heels and left them by the door so she could silently search for Olivia.

The detective lay stewing on her bed. She had a corner of the blanket balled up in her fist. Her eyes were open but everything was fuzzy. A white noise pounded in her ears.

Suddenly, a warmth washed over her. Then she felt the mattress sink slightly behind her. A soft, tender hand wrapped around the one that was squeezing the blanket and another arm slid under the pillow under her head so that her head was now laying on the shoulder attached to the arm.

The faint smell of Alex's perfume calmed the rage inside of the detective. The arms around her helped relax her muscles just from the touch.

_Don't say a word  
Just come over and lie here with me  
Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see _

Alex started stroking Olivia's hair with the tenderest of touches. She was disturbed by the wake of Olivia's anger. She had never seen Olivia angry enough to break anything. The usually calm detective had never flown off the handle like that. She wasn't sure that Olivia even really registered that she was there. Olivia might be so deep in her head that nothing registered.

She could feel how tense Olivia was just from the scant area where her skin was touching Olivia's. Her sleeveless dress exposed her arms completely, but Olivia was wearing a short sleeved shirt.

No words were said for the rest of the night. Alex just stroked Olivia's hair until the brunette fell asleep before falling asleep herself.

_I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe  
There I just said it  
I'm scared you'll forget about me _


	2. Nuclear Study

Olivia woke up to the sun blazing through the window and seemingly through her eyelids. She grumbled and put her blanket over her head.

She was surprised to hear a giggle in the bed behind her and suddenly remembered that she wasn't alone. Olivia peeked out from under the covers to see a smiling blonde with her head propped up by her elbow.

"Good morning," Alex grinned.

Olivia couldn't help, but smile, "Good morning."

The ADA swept some hair out of Olivia's face with a light sweep of her fingers across Olivia's forehead, "Did you sleep okay?"

Olivia nodded trying not to blush at the slight touch, "Thanks for coming over. Looks like you left somewhere really nice."

Alex shrugged, "No big deal. I have priorities."

Olivia smiled that she was one of Alex's priorities.

Alex smiled wider and ran her fingers the length of Olivia's hair, "I heard you got to take the day off because of some flying chairs so I'm going to take you to breakfast."

"You don't…" Olivia started.

The blonde pointed a playful finger at Olivia, "No backtalk."

"Fine," Olivia laughed, "Do you want something else to wear?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Alex heaved herself out of the bed. "Can I borrow some shoes also?"

"Of course."

Half an hour later, they were in Alex's car driving to a secret breakfast place that Alex wouldn't tell Olivia the name of.

Olivia looked over at Alex and internally sighed. She had proved just how wonderful she was last night and Olivia wasn't sure she could continue to be around Alex as often.

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe  
There I just said it  
I'm scared you'll forget about me

Alex went on so many dates, it made Olivia's head spin. There was a different guy every week it seemed. Alex kept saying that she found little things wrong with them that bugged her so she broke it off. Olivia was scared that would happen if she continued hanging out with Alex so much that would happen and Alex would break off their friendship much less any terribly small chance Olivia had of getting a date with her.

They walked into a tiny café with barely enough room for the twelve people that were inside. Alex led the way to a small table near the back.

After they ordered and got their drinks, Alex sipped her tea while looking around. Olivia thought there wasn't really much to look at. The walls were near barren, the people seemed uninteresting, and if you looked out the window, all you could see was the side of the building next door.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked gently noticed that Olivia had been staring hard at the table.

Olivia looked up and shook out of her haze, "Yeah. Sorry about that. Just zoned out."

"So it seems," Alex smirked and took another sip of her tea.

The detective decided that changing the subject was a great idea so she asked, "How was your date last night?"

"Eh," Alex shrugged, uninterested.

Olivia grinned, "What was wrong with him?"

"What does that mean?" Alex asked, leaning back and crossing her arms.

"It means that you always find something wrong with the men you date," Olivia was amused by the blonde's reaction.

"I do not."

"Oh really?" Olivia quirked an eyebrow, "Charlie was too loud. Ryan chewed his food like a cow. Justin smelled odd. Troy had a facial tick. Miles didn't pull your chair out for you…"

"Okay," Alex interrupted Olivia, "I think you've made your point." A small smile grew on her lips, "My only rebuttal is that I'm not going to settle. I'm going to find exactly what I want in a mate. Anything less than everything isn't good enough."

"Wow," the detective studied Alex for a moment, "How are you going to pull that off? No one is perfect."

"I'm not asking for perfection," Alex shook her head and smiled, "I know people have flaws. Well everyone but me." She paused for Olivia's laughter and continued, "And sometimes what other people deem as flaws, I find endearing. I wouldn't want to date someone who was perfect anyway. It'd be boring." The blonde bit her lip, "Anyway, how about you? How come you never tell me about your dates?"

"That's because I don't have any," Olivia answered.

"I don't believe you," Alex shook her head, "No dates in the past six months?"

Olivia quickly scanned the past six months of her life for something resembling a social life. "There were a handful, but nothing to write home about."

"So maybe you're as picky as me," Alex offered.

Olivia took a sip of her orange juice, "I don't think so."

"You remember that when you're sitting in a restaurant with a man who slurps his soup," Alex waggled her eyebrows.

Olivia laughed as the waiter appeared with their food.

As they were digging into their food, Olivia looked up and asked, "So, any dates lined up for tonight?"

Alex tilted her head in thought and furrowed her eyebrows. Finally, she took out her phone and after a series of buttons she skewed her face up and sighed, "Sort of."

"Sort of?" Olivia asked, pausing mid-bite.

"I don't think I'm going to go," the blonde picked up her tea, "I think I'm going to kidnap you tonight and force you to relax."

"You're welcome to try," the detective shrugged, "But I don't think it's something you can force."

"You'd be surprised at my many talents," Alex playfully smirked.

Olivia nearly choked on her food. She had taken that statement entirely the wrong way. As she got the bite down, she took a long sip of her drink and took a deep breath to make sure her airways were clear. When she looked at Alex, she saw a look of concern with a glint of amusement.

The detective tried to play it off. She continued on like nothing happened. Alex tried to suppress a smile before turning back to her own food.

After breakfast, Alex drove them past Olivia's apartment and back to her own.

"You're not taking me home?" the detective quirked and eyebrow.

Alex smirked, "Didn't I say I was kidnapping you?"

Olivia smiled, knowing that whatever Alex was taking them to do, she would have the time of her life.


	3. Clear As Mud

When they got to Alex's apartment building, they both treaded up the long, elegant, wooden flights of stairs. Olivia had been to this apartment many times before and every time she noticed there were a different kind of flowers on the decorative tables in the plush hallway.

"What do you have planned for my kidnapping?" Olivia asked as Alex unlocked her front door.

"I'm not sure," the blonde shrugged, "This kidnapping thing is new to me." After a few more steps Alex added, "After I change, you can accompany me to the book store and then we can find something to do."

"Why the book store?" Olivia asked when they finally got to Alex's hallway.

Alex raised an eyebrow, "To buy books. I believe that's where they keep them these days."

"Any books in particular?" Olivia asked.

The blonde slid her key into the door and paused, looking thoughtful for a moment, "I don't think so. I just finished the last book I bought and I'm getting so bored at night that I've started to watch soap opera reruns."

"Is that why you've been obsessively dating the past few weeks?" the detective asked.

Alex opened the door, but stood in front of it, turning to Olivia with a roll of her eyes, "No. I've been obsessively dating because my mother thinks I need to settle down so she set up multiple times figuring the more dates I go on, the better the odds are of me finding someone I like."

"Look how well that worked out," Olivia quipped following Alex inside.

Alex kicked off her shoes and dropped her keys and phone on the small table by the front door. "Maybe you're right and I am being too picky."

"I didn't say you were being too picky," Olivia quickly added, "I like that you've resolved not to settle. I think too many people do that."

The blonde dropped her jacket onto the couch, "Agreed. However, I could stand to be a little less picky."

"I think," Olivia dropped her coat on top of Alex's, "That you are just being you and you'll find someone to love you for you and someone that you'll love back. Even their little eccentricities."

"That's a nice thought," Alex sighed and started walking toward her bedroom, "But I'm afraid I'm a hard person to love."

Olivia caught her hand and spun Alex around. Without thinking she held Alex's face in her hands and looked her in the eyes, "You are not a hard person to love. You're beautiful, brilliant, and compassionate. You deserve someone who knows that and worships you for it."

A small, sad smile grew on Alex's face. She wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and held onto her, "You're sweet. Terribly optimistic, but sweet."

Olivia held Alex's body to her own for as long as the blonde let her. It ached her heart to hear that Alex thought she was difficult to love. It may be true for some people, but it was just like breathing for Olivia.

The ADA finally pulled away, "I'm going to go change. I'll be right back." Her voice trailed off at the end of her statement. She bit her lip one last time and walked off into the bedroom.

Olivia fell back onto the couch with a sigh. She wasn't sure how she was going to get through her kidnapping without doing something that would shake their friendship to its core. Her proximity to Alex a few seconds ago was enough to make it feel like her heart would pound out of her chest.

Alex came back dressed warmly in jeans, a green long sleeved shirt, brown jacket and striped scarf. The smile on her face seemed genuine, "Ready?"

Olivia got up off of the couch and nodded, "Yes ma'am."

The blonde grinned, "That's what I like to hear."

It wasn't another five minutes that they arrived at the book store. Olivia had a chill as they walked across the street and into the store. Alex insisted that they walk, but the air was frozen and Olivia wasn't wearing enough clothes to be comfortable outside. Of course she wasn't going to say anything and risk upsetting the attorney in front of her.

The bookstore was small and smelled musty. New and used books lined the cramped space and some were even stacked on top of the bookshelves.

Alex and Olivia parted ways and walked on either side of the book cases. Olivia kept an eye on Alex and the only other person in the store who looked to work there. A book on the shelf caught her eye. She carefully ran her fingers over the worn spine and read the engraved letters. When she looked up, she saw two dazzling blue eyes peeking from between the top of the books and the bottom of the shelf. She could tell just from her eyes that Alex was smiling at her.

Olivia smiled back. She picked up a book from a lower shelf and used it to fill the gap where Alex's eyes were peering through.

The book was pulled through the other side and the playful blue eyes glared back. Olivia tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help herself. When she looked back at the hole, the book was back. She removed it, only to find herself looked across the next aisle at more books.

"See anything you like?" Alex asked from behind Olivia.

The detective jumped as Alex's sudden appearance. The ADA chuckled and watched Olivia catch her breath.

"It's not nice to sneak up on people," Olivia added and started scanning the books.

The blonde just smirked and started looking at the books also.

By the time they had finished looking, Alex had an armful of books and Olivia had one.

"Are you really going to read all that?" Olivia asked as Alex set the books on counter and waited to be rang up.

"I've been reading since I was a little kid," Alex shrugged, "At one point I taught myself to read so fast I wouldn't remember what I had read so I read the book upside down so I would have to take time to comprehend what I was reading. Law school taught me to read carefully and now I just read for fun. Usually between arraignments."

"Wow," Olivia nodded, "I doubt I'm going to have time to read this one."

"If you keep throwing chairs at people, I'm sure Don will give you enough time off so you can read to your heart's content," Alex smirked and handed the clerk her money.

"Ha ha," Olivia droned, "I know I shouldn't have done that, but that guy…"  
"I understand," the blonde smiled gently, "There have been more than enough time when I wanted to throw a stapler at Kressler's head. Your problem is impulse control."

"Oh please," the detective shook her head, "I graduated first in my class from the Siena College of Criminal Justice. Don't lecture me on Hirschi's theory of impulse control."

"I wasn't lecturing. I was merely pointing out your lack of it."

Olivia was starting to get a little pissed off. Alex was pushing some very sensitive buttons and treading thin ice.

It wasn't long before Alex started laughing, "You know I'm kidding right? If you had low impulse control, you would have already strangled me many times."

"I would not have," Olivia smiled, relieved that Alex didn't really think she had low control, "I would have just thrown you over my shoulder and tossed you into a holding cell."

Alex picked up her bag full of books and watched Olivia pay for the ones she got, "Good to know. Next time I start making you angry over a case, I'll carry these books with me so you can't pick me up."

"I could still pick you up," Olivia got her book and followed Alex out of the store.

Alex looked at Olivia, "Yeah right." Then she watched as a sinister grin grew on Alex's face, "Don't you dare."

"Don't I dare what?" Olivia asked, as innocently as possible.

Alex opened her mouth, but before she could get out anything else, Olivia threw Alex over her shoulder and spun her around. Alex laughed like she was a child again, all the while telling Olivia to put her down.

When the detective was finally done, she set Alex on unsteady feet and stood up straight. She became face to face with the blonde who was smiling back, her cheeks flush and her hair like a windblown centerfold. The blonde stepped well within her personal space and for a while hot minute, Olivia was sure Alex was about to kiss her.

Then, just centimeters away from Olivia's face, Alex said, "You are in so much trouble."

It took a while for Olivia to comprehend what Alex said and another thirty seconds to talk herself out of flat out kissing Alex right there. Finally she grinned and retorted sarcastically, "I'm so scared."

The blonde whirled around and threw playfully over her shoulder, "You better be."

_That was a close one_, Olivia thought and ran a hand through her hair. _No impulse control my ass._


	4. Some Things Change Everything

Alex decided to drop off the books and pick up her car so they made their was back to her apartment. Inside it was relatively warmer so Olivia relieved to be back if only for a short while.

"Can I borrow a coat before we leave again?" the detective asked.

Alex, who seemed to have just come out of a daydream, nodded and smiled softly, "Of course."

They finally got to the top floor and as she placed her foot on the top step, Alex stopped dead.

Olivia ran into the back of her, nearly falling backwards down the stairs. She grabbed onto the rail to steady herself and then sidestepped Alex to try to see why Alex stopped. She couldn't really see anything worth stopping over, but the look on Alex's face was one of panic. The detective put a comforting hand on the small of Alex's back and asked, "What's wrong?"

The blonde turned her head toward Olivia, but didn't move her eyes. Her voice came out in barely a whisper, "Someone broke into my apartment."

Olivia looked back toward Alex's door and realized that some wood had chipped off about where the deadbolt lock would be. The door was closed, but it was obvious the door was no in it's proper state.

The detective looked back at Alex and stated, "Call 911."

"Why don't you…" Alex trailed off as Olivia started walking toward the door. She quickly snatched Olivia's hand, "What are you doing?"

Normally Olivia would have just let Alex hold her hand, but now was not the time. She gently gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It's the middle of the day. I'm sure no one is in there."

"Then let me go with you."

Olivia shook her head, "Stay outside and call 911."

Before she knew it, the warmth of Olivia's hand was gone and the brunette had already nudged open the door.

Alex called 911 and watched as Olivia walked into her apartment. She inched closer to the door and watched Olivia disappear down the hallway that led to the bedroom.

"911 what's your emergency?" was the voice that sounded her in ear.

"Someone broke into my apartment," Alex evenly explained, "West 81st and 9th, apartment 7C." She stepped through the threshold and into her kitchen that was directly to the left of the doorway.

"I'll send a unit out there immediately ma'am," was the last thing Alex heard.

The phone she had in her hand clattered to the ground as she struggled against the strong arms wrapped around her. A gloved hand over her mouth stopped her from calling for Olivia. Alex tried to wriggle free from her assailant, but it was no use. He had a hold of her waist and head, making it difficult to get leverage.

Alex was desperately trying to keep her wits about her and think of a way out. She quickly scanned for her knives. They were too far away. She did nothing resembling a weapon in arms reach. Alex kept looking to the hallway as they man tried to drag away from the kitchen, praying for Olivia to come out.

Finally, she after what seemed an eternity, but was only about two seconds, Alex realized how she could get Olivia to come back. With a well placed kick, the metal trash can next to the kitchen island went sailing across the room and crashing into the hardwood floor.

Olivia had just stepped into the bathroom when she heard the crash. Her heart started racing as she sprinted to the source of the noise and she skidded to a halt when she saw Alex struggling with a familiar face.

Her mind flashed back to yesterday when she had a clear shot of his face. Then she looked away for a brief second and he was gone. She could see the menacing look in his eyes and the back of his head as she chased him down the street.

The pure fear in Alex's eyes caused Olivia's blood to run cold. She could see the rapist's arms clamped on her as he tried to drag her out the door. She wasn't surprised that Alex was putting up a hell of a fight and she started running over to help her.

Just as she was about to tackle the guy to the ground, he pulled something out of his pocket that caused Alex to freeze. Olivia stopped in her tracks and felt her stomach crawl up the throat.

Alex closed her eyes, feeling the cold metal barrel of a handgun pressed to her temple. She took a few deep breaths and tried to swallow the bile crawling up her throat.

"Connor," Olivia held up her hands, "Let's just take a second and talk about this."

The man holding Alex looked skittish, like he was trying to decide which way to run. The voices drifting in from the open front door make him push Alex more into the apartment and kick the door closed behind him, securing all the locks in place.

"Don't move," his menacing eyes flashed a predatory gaze. He was an animal defending the prey he just captured.

"Let's talk about this for a second," Olivia stated. Alex knew she was staying on the standard negotiation script, "There's people all though this building. There's no way out without someone else seeing you. I know where you live, where you work, and where your mother lives. You have nowhere to go."

"I don't care," beads of sweat appeared on his forehead as his eyes darted around. He tightened his grip on Alex.

"If you let her go you can just walk out of here," Olivia added.

Alex's eyes flew open. That wasn't part of the script.

"Not happening."

"Then take me."

Alex sent a glare at Olivia. She was determined that no matter what happened. Olivia was going with this monster

The blond elbowed him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Enraged he hit Alex with the butt of his gun. The force sent her to the ground as well as a gash to form at her hairline.

As she fell to the ground Alex saw Olivia start to rush to her. The detective stopped dead when he pointed the gun at her.

"She's going with me," He stated and grabbed Alex's arm, hurling her into the door. "Open it."

Alex fumbled with the locks, taking as much time as possible.

"Detective," Reader addressed Olivia in a calm voice, "Would you please go into the bedroom and count to one hundred."

Olivia was hesitant to move, but when he put the gun to the back of Alex's head, she started backing away.

Alex turned around and saw this. She pleaded with her eyes, begging Olivia to do something.

Olivia wanted to let her know she would do anything to save her, but every scenario in her head ended up with Alex getting hurt if she acted now.

Something in Olivia's face told Alex there was no way this was going to end here. She would have to go with him and wait. Quickly coming to terms with that, Alex knew Olivia would find her no matter what.

She saw Olivia thinking as hard as she could and gave her a slight nod to let her know that, although with a serial rapist, she'd be okay.

That was all it took. Olivia suddenly had a plan. She back into the hallway, out of sight and pulled out her phone. She heard the door open and close as she dialed 911.

The detective sprinted into Alex's room, vaguely remembering a fire escape on the outside of the building. Peering out the window, she saw it and tried to get the window open as she explain to the 911 operator what was going on, "This is Detective Benson, badge number 86753. I have a kidnapping in progress and a possible hostage situation." Then she rattled off Alex's address and asked for backup.

The window wouldn't budge and was somehow sealed so Olivia scanned the room and grabbed and lamp off of the nightstand, then thrust it through the window sending millions of tiny shards everywhere.

It didn't take her but a few seconds to run down the fire escape and get to the ground, however in this situation that few seconds seems like an eternity.

When her feet touched the ground, a black and white screeched to a halt in front of the building. It turned out they were responding to the breaking and entering call Alex put in just a few minutes ago. She sprinted to them and explained what was going on and who she was. It didn't take her any time at all to convince them to lend her a handgun and radio then tell them to watch the front door while she searched the back.

She was supposed to wait for support to go in the back door, but Alex was the one being held hostage inside with a monster.

She could hear more sirens start to get closer, and she was momentarily glad that the officers had called for help.

"Liv," a voice on the radio strapped to the back of her jeans said, "What's going on?"

Olivia paused by the back door and picked up the radio, "Elliot?"

His static filled voice answered, "Yeah."

"It's Reader," Olivia stated, "He's got Alex."

There was a long paused, "Wait for me. I'm going in with you."

"Elliot, there's no time."

The next voice that sounded had no static at all, "I'm right here." Olivia turned around and saw Elliot trotting up behind her. He was in dress pants and a white button up shirt. His jacket and tie were long forgotten about and his gun was drawn.

"That was fast," Olivia commented putting her hand on the door.

"I was down the street when I heard the APB."

Olivia nodded and took a deep breath, "Let's go."

Reader yanked Alex to a stop. He heard sirens. "Shit!" He looked around and kicked the door to the apartment right below Alex's, open. He shoved the ADA inside and through the apartment searching for the occupants. When they found none, he took Alex to the bedroom, shoving her onto the bed before closing the door and curtains.

He smile menacingly and removed his jacket, "Well, since we're already in a bedroom…"

Alex knew what he meant. She swallowed hard and started to panic. Maybe Olivia wasn't going to be able to save her this time.


	5. Going Up In Flames

As they kept methodically going up the stairs, Elliot knocked on doors to evacuate anyone still in the building while Olivia climbed the stairs in front, keeping her eyes and ears open. She knew they had to still be in the building.

"Elliot!" Olivia called as she got to the floor under Alex's.

When he caught up, she pointed to the doorframe where the wood had splintered on the side where the locks usually were. She gently pushed it open, but was stopped by the chain on the other side.

"Take off your clothes," Reader told Alex.

The blonde crossed her arms, "Go to hell."

He pointed the gun at her, "Please."

"You'll have to kill me first."

A shot rang out and without hesitating, Olivia kicked the door in and ran with her partner into the apartment, following the sounds of the struggle to the bedroom.

When they got there, they found Reader on top of Alex trying to rip her shirt off.

"Get off of her!" Elliot yelled because Olivia was so furious she couldn't speak.

Reader jumped and pulled Alex on top of him, slowly standing and using her for a shield. He put the gun to her head.

Olivia could see that Alex's shirt was a little ripped but nothing else. She looked disheveled and afraid, but other than the gash on her forehead from earlier, nothing else seemed physically wrong.

"Let her go," Olivia spoke in an eerily even voice.

"Here is what's going to happen," Reader stated, "You two are going to put your guns down and I'm going to walk out."

"That's fine," Olivia replied, holding his eyes, "Just leave her here."

He tightened his grim on Alex, causing her to close her eyes, "No way. She's my ticket out." He readjusted his hand on the gun. "I'll kill her if you don't let me out."

Elliot and Olivia saw his trigger finger start to squeeze and two shots were fired at once.

Alex fell to the bed and Reader fell to the ground, bleeding from his neck and shoulder.

There were thunderous footsteps coming from behind Elliot and Olivia and they turned around in time to see the SWAT team enter the room. One of them knelt down and tried to stop Reader from bleeding out.

Olivia wasn't even thinking about them. She slowly walked to Alex who was now sitting on the bed with her hands in her lap.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked, kneeling in front of the blonde.

Alex silently nodded and took a deep breath, "I'm going to go downstairs and give my statement." She stood and walked out without another word.

Elliot looked at Olivia, asking what happened with a raise of his eyebrows. Olivia let out a sigh, "I don't know what to do."

He put a hand on her arm, "You know what to do. You just don't think so because this hasn't ever happened to Alex."

That brought Olivia back to the fact that the man on the floor being tended to by paramedics who had come in when she was focused on Alex. She stalked over to the man who tried to irreparably hurt Alex. He was barely conscious, but smiled when he saw her. "Detective."

"Why her?" Olivia asked in a voice that she, herself was frightened by. "Where you coming after me?"

He started to chuckle, but winced in pain, "Don't flatter yourself. It was the luck of the draw. I saw her a week ago and knew I had to have her."

"You've been following her?" Olivia's fury grew.

He coughed and then nodded.

Elliot knew what would happen next to her intercepted his partner as she was about to beat the hell out of the man the ground.

"Alex needs you," He stated.

That was all it took, Olivia walked out the door with Elliot on her tail. He wanted to make sure Alex was okay also. He's seen just as many victims as Olivia had and he couldn't picture Alex being a typical one. She had always been strong willed and an unwavering powerhouse, but more than that she had become part of the team.

"Where are you going?" Elliot asked as Olivia started up the stairs, "She's downstairs."

"I'm going to get some of her stuff together," Olivia paused at the top of a flight, "She's going to stay with me for a while."

Elliot nodded, knowing it was a good idea. He followed her into Alex's apartment and into the bedroom. "What happened to the window?"

"I had to get down the fire escape and the windows are sealed shut," Olivia went to the closet and got a bag from the top of the closet. Then she went to the dresser and started getting out some clothes.

"I'm going to go see if the landlord has some wood or something to cover up this window," Elliot surveyed the window, "I'll stay here and lock up then I'll bring some food over to your apartment."

Olivia slung the bag over her shoulder, "Thanks Elliot."

"No problem," he nodded.

When Olivia got downstairs, she found Alex sitting in the back of the ambulance while a paramedic cleaned up her cut and used liquid stitches to seal it.

Alex saw Olivia with the bag over her shoulder and figured out what Olivia had in mind. She knew it was the right thing to do an truth be told, she didn't want to be with anyone but Olivia at the moment.

After the paramedic finished, Alex slid off of the back of the truck and signed a release saying she refused to go to the hospital. As they started walking, Alex stopped, "I didn't get my car keys."

Olivia reached into her pocket and pulled them out, "I got them. Elliot's going to board up your window and lock up."

"What happened to my window?" Alex asked, running her hands through her hair.

The detective scratched her forehead, "I…um…broke it out so I could get to the fire escape." She looked at Alex for a reaction and got nothing, "I'll pay for it."

"Don't worry about it," Alex offered with an understanding shrug, "You did what you had to do. And you saved me."

"I wish I would have gotten there sooner," the detective sighed. She finally realized that Alex had slid her delicate hand into her own and was gently holding Olivia's hand.

Olivia imagined that Alex just wanted to be near someone who she knew wouldn't hurt her and she hoped Alex was getting some kind of comfort from the small touch.

The ride to Olivia's apartment was quiet. Alex looked out the window all the way there and was silent during the walk up the stairs to Olivia's apartment. Once inside, Olivia put Alex's bag in the bedroom and rejoined the attorney in the living room.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" Alex asked, picking at the rip in her shirt.

"Of course," Olivia nodded, "I'll grab a towel out of the dryer and bring it to you."

"Thanks," Alex nodded and walked to the bathroom. Her limbs felt heavy and her mind felt like it wasn't moving as fast as usual.

Olivia watched Alex walked away before going to the small washer/dryer set that was hidden in a closet off her kitchen. She turned on the dryer and went to make some tea so the towels would be warm for Alex.

When the tea was done, she picked out her favorite fluffy blue towel and folded it neatly. Then she walked to the bedroom and the en suite bathroom. The door was ajar and the shower was going. Olivia quietly pushed open the door and found that steam had already filled the room.

Olivia tried to think of something they would do to keep Alex's mind off of what happened, but she couldn't think of anything. She poured two cups of tea when she heard the shower turn off, but when Alex didn't come into the living room for ten minutes, Olivia decided to go investigate.

When she walked into her bedroom, she found Alex curled up in her bed, facing the window, in the unmade mess of sheets and blankets. Olivia was glad she didn't make the bed this morning and glad that Alex felt comfortable in her apartment.

She quietly walked to the bed and sat behind Alex. When she gently started stroking Alex's side, the blonde finally spoke. "I shouldn't feel like this."

"Hmm?" Olivia urged her on.

"Nothing happened," Alex rolled on her back to look up at Olivia, "It almost did, but it didn't. Why do I feel like this?"

Olivia brushed some damp hair out of Alex's eyes, "Because it almost did. And you know it almost did and you've seen countless women go through what you could have gone through. Although it didn't actually happen, the attempt can be just as bad."

Alex sighed, "I can still feel him on me."

The detective gently stroked Alex's cheek, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to make this easier."

"Lay with me?"

"Of course," Olivia kicked of her shoes and laid next to her friend. She rested a hand on Alex's waist and stroked the material of Alex's shirt with her thumb.

Alex closed her eyes. Olivia touch made her feel like nothing happened at all. The shower couldn't get ride of the feel of Reader hovering over her with an animalistic rage in his eyes, but when she crawled into Olivia's bed, it was gone. The smell of Olivia all over the sheets that were wrapped around her overwhelmed her with a sense that Olivia was all around her.

Just as Alex was about to fall asleep, Olivia's phone rang in her back pocket.

"Sorry," she murmured to Alex and answered, "Benson."

"Hey," Elliot's voice in her ear replied, "What do you two want to eat?"

Alex sleepily moved her head to Olivia's shoulder and draped an arm around Olivia's middle.

"Alex," Olivia quietly asked while she stroked Alex's hair, "What do you want to eat, sweetie?"

The blonde was quiet for a moment and Olivia wasn't sure Alex was awake until she said, "Mmm, pizza would be fantastic."

"Pizza," Olivia relayed the information to Elliot.

"What kind?" he asked back.

Alex apparently heard the question through the phone because she answered, "Whatever you two want."

"Just get whatever you want," Olivia told him, "We're not picky."

Alex chuckled as Olivia hung up with Elliot. She smiled, "What's so funny?"

"You told me this morning that I'm too picky."

"I did not," Olivia smiled.

Alex smirked, "Sure." After a short pause, she asked, "Are you comfortable or do you need me to move?"

"No," Olivia rubbed Alex's back, "I'm great right here."

The blonde giggled, "You're my hero."

"Well every princess needs a hero right?" Olivia laughed with Alex.

"I couldn't have picked a better hero myself," the attorney snuggled into Olivia and let down all the guards, feeling completely safe with Olivia.

Olivia was glad that Alex was laughing, but she was worried that Alex was ignoring a lot of feelings she was having and trying to cover them up. She couldn't do anything right then. She was going to have to wait and see. But she promised herself to stand by Alex the whole time.


	6. The B Side

After you read, check out my profile. There's a poll for everyone about a new story (or stories). Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read.

* * *

It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door, indicating Elliot's arrival. Alex excused herself to the bathroom before going to greet him, leaving Olivia to answer the door.

Elliot walked into the apartment with two pizzas in his hand, "Where is she?"

"She'll be right out," Olivia explained.

He glanced at the hallway behind Olivia and quietly asked, "How is she holding up?"

The other detective sighed, "I wish I knew. One minute she's talking about how she's feeling and the next it's like nothing ever happened."

"You know, just like I do, that that's normal," Elliot rubbed his head.

Olivia nodded, "It's just weird you know? It's just that she's…Alex…"

Her partner nodded understandingly, "I know." He saw movement behind Olivia and smiled at Alex as she entered the room, "Hey Alex."

She smiled softly back, "Elliot." She saw the pizza on the table and inhaled, "That smells great. I'll get the plates."

Elliot raised an eyebrow to Olivia as Alex went to the kitchen. Olivia just sighed knowing that Alex's choice in coping is suppression. Not that she expected anything else from the driven, powerful ADA. She just hoped that Alex could move through it with her usual grace and that in the end she'd be who she was before.

But Olivia knew it didn't work that way. No one was ever who they were before. She thought Alex would channel all that emotion into work and prosecute special victims offenders zealously. That she could work with all of this and change it into something good. At least she hoped she could.

When Alex returned, she handed out the plates and took a seat at the end of the couch. Olivia sat next to her and Elliot sat in a chair perpendicular to the couch.

They quietly ate for a while until Elliot decided it was too quiet and turned on the TV. The basketball game on the TV filled the uncomfortable silence.

Olivia silently watched Alex out of the corner of her eye, making sure she was eating. The incident didn't seem to hurt her appetite at all. She put away three pieces of pizza before declaring herself stuff and took her plate to the kitchen.

Elliot also kept his eye on Alex. As far as he could tell, Alex was fine. Except for being a little quiet, she acted normal. He was still worried. He also watched Olivia. She looked very concerned and by the way she was sitting Elliot knew Olivia was in protect mode. She was leaned a little toward Alex, ready to spring into action should the need arise.

He knew they were friends and had been for a while, but the way Olivia was acting seemed beyond friendship. He may just be playing into a male fantasy, but he thought there may be something between them. Something more than platonic. Something romantic maybe.

Alex for her part seemed oblivious, but that could just be the her near assault. There was something in the way Olivia looked at Alex that was a clue, but Alex's eyes seemed hollow at the moment and had he not been toe to toe and in a staring match with the blonde often, he wouldn't have been able to see it.

Olivia was going mad. She couldn't think of anything to do to comfort Alex. She had moved on to find a way to distract the blonde. Again she was coming up blank. She looked at Elliot who she was surprised to find looking back. She moved her eyes to the kitchen and back to Elliot in a signal. He nodded and walked to the kitchen getting himself something to drink.

The female detective picked up her plate and took it to the kitchen leaving Alex on the couch to wonder what they were up to.

Elliot was leaned over the sink while Olivia stood next to him, slowly setting her plate in it.

"I can't think of any way to distract her," Olivia whispered, "Can you think of anything?"

Elliot shrugged and decided to test his theory of more then friendship between the women, "You know her better than I do. What does she like to do?"

Olivia sighed, "I don't know. The only time I talk to her for long periods of time in at dinner or over drinks."

"Ah," Elliot looked down at the water overfilling his glass, "So there's nothing going on between you two?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, looking a little panicked.

He knew that look on her face. She was a terrible liar when it came to her personal life. He smiled, "There _is_ something going on."

"No there's not," Olivia quickly added.

"Then you want there to be," he turned the water off. When Olivia opened her mouth to rebut his statement he added, "We've been working together for more than a decade."

"Fine, but this is not the time or the place to discuss this," the brunette rinsed off her plate and pushed off the counter. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw someone standing just outside the kitchen. After a small gasp, she turned her head to look at Alex. She had changed clothes and looked like she was ready to go somewhere.

"I'm going for a walk," Alex simply stated.

"Did you hear," Olivia paused, "What we were talking about?"

The blonde smiled softly, "Nope, but I knew something is going on when you two start conspiring so I thought I'd get out of here."

"We'll go with you," Olivia offered, walking to the coat rack and offering Alex her leather jacket.

After a beat, Alex walked over to Olivia and let the detective slide the jacket up her arms. She loved this jacket, but usually only on Olivia. It smelled like her and always kept her warm. Olivia had let her wear it on occasion when they left their dinner together and Alex shivered, even the tiniest shiver. Something about the jacket comforted her. Like having Olivia's arms constantly around her. A phenomena that she couldn't explain caused her to love every single time Olivia touched her. To feel completely at peace.

"I think if you don't need me anymore, I'll go home to see my wife," Elliot told the two women.

Alex nodded while Olivia raised her eyebrows at him. When Alex knelt down to tie her shoe, Elliot grinned at Olivia and shrugged.

Elliot walked over to the women and hugged Alex who tensed at first, but eased into it. Then he hugged Olivia whispering in her ear, "Have fun."

She covertly jabbed him in the ribs at he pulled away. He just chuckled and walked out the door, "Goodbye."

"Bye Elliot," Alex called after him.

When they got downstairs, Alex took off walking to the left. Olivia, who had paused, had to jog to catch up.

"Where are you going?" Olivia asked.

"This way," Alex shrugged, sliding her hands in her pockets.

Olivia walked next to Alex in silence waiting to see if the blonde is going to say something. When it became evident that she wasn't going to talk, Olivia took a deep breath and checked their surroundings. They were on their way south, but their destination remained unknown.

Olivia followed Alex across a street and into Central Park. They walked under the trees for a few minutes before Alex went off of the path and through some trees. Then she climbed on top what looked to be a boulder. Olivia stood and watched Alex stand at the top, the sun shining down on her before following her to the top.

As Olivia got to the top, Alex sat down then Olivia joined her. In front of them, a mess of trees separated them from the rest of the park and the rest of the city. Olivia never knew a place like this existed in the city. It was like the wilderness in the middle of the steel and concrete of her everyday.

When she turned to Alex, she saw tears silently running down her face as she looked into the sky. Olivia was struck by the profound sadness in Alex's eyes that seemed to get bluer as the tears ran from her eyes.

Olivia immediately put her arm around Alex. The touch seemed to make Alex crumble into the strong, protective arms of the detective. Her silent tears turned into raw sobs. It broke Olivia's heart to see Alex like this. Tears sprang to her eyes as the Alex continued to cling to her. This wasn't something either one would soon forget.


	7. Trauma and Tequila

After the park, they quietly walked back to Olivia's apartment, hand in hand. Alex apologized for breaking down, but Olivia interrupted her apology, saying that it was okay. There was no need to apologize.

When they got inside to Olivia's apartment, Alex stood at the entrance, eyebrows furrowed in through.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked gently, placing her hand on the small of Alex's back.

Alex nodded. A grin spread across her face and she turned to look at Olivia, "I need a deck of cards and a bottle of tequila."

"What?" the brunette asked, completely surprised at the statement. She looked Alex over for any sign of a joke. Her eyes seemed playful, but the request seemed firm.

Walking to the coffee table, Alex started clearing it of magazines and coasters, "You know how to play strip poker right?"

"I…what?" Olivia stuttered. She couldn't believe that Alex wanted to play strip poker and drink tequila. However, she had promised herself that whatever Alex wanted to do, she would do because people work through assaults in different ways.

The detective walked to into the kitchen and dug in her cabinet for tequila. It had been sitting in the back of a cabinet for a while so she had to wipe the dust off. After cleaning the bottle, half full of the amber liquid, she got two shot glasses out of the same cabinet.

When she got to the living room, her coffee table was cleared off and Alex was nowhere to be found.

"Alex?" Olivia called setting the tequila and shot glasses on the table.

The blonde emerged from the bedroom, still wearing Olivia's leather jacket. Her shoes were gone and she padded to the table, cards in hand.

The detective tried to remember where she kept the cards and how Alex would know where they were. Then the brunette remembered she and Alex had played blackjack a few times just to kill time before a movie or a show.

"Ready?" Alex asked, with a playful smile and an unidentifiable emotion in her eyes.

Olivia nodded, holding Alex's eyes until the blonde looked away.

They sat at opposite sides of the coffee table. Alex poured them both a shot before dealing the cards.

Two shots each and five rounds later, Alex had a neat pile of clothes next to her on the ground. Olivia on the other hand had lost both socks and her outer shirt. The blonde tightened Olivia's jacket around her and dealt again.

"I think you're cheating," Olivia shot across the table as she looked at the two cards in her possession.

Alex shrugged with a sly smile, "I'm sure you'd like to think that." She flipped the river and checked her cards again.

The detective wrinkled her nose, "If we were playing blackjack you'd be as cold as I am."

"Fine," Alex swept the cards off of the table and stacked them neatly. After a few shuffles she tossed two cards to Olivia before looking at her own.

The tequila was forgotten, thirty minutes later as the stack of clothes had shifted to Olivia's side of the table. Alex had lost everything that was Olivia's plus her socks and jeans.

So she sat across from Olivia, in her pink hipsters, her shirt and Olivia's jacket. When she flipped over her card, she made a face like she smelled something back. The flipped over her card that was face down and sighed, "Busted."

Olivia smiled, waiting for her jacket to be handed across the table. Alex slowly stood and shrugged off the jacket, but instead of handing it to Olivia, she peeled off her shirt. She dropped it on the table and put the jacket back on over her pink bra.

"You seem attached to my jacket," Olivia mused, trying to mask her attraction to the blonde's exposed body. Her toned stomach stopped at the top of her hipsters and her long, lean legs started on the other side.

Olivia had to purposefully avert her eyes as her own leather jacket hung open, exposing a little of the blonde's cleavage. She hoped to god that the cards that were going to turn in Alex's favor soon.

Unfortunately, Olivia accidentally won the next hand, hitting twenty-one on the head while Alex hung at a meager nineteen. She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, knowing Olivia would avert her eyes again as she maneuvered it off under the leather jacket.

When it hit the table, Olivia gathered the cards, "Why don't we pick this up tomorrow?"

The blonde looked thoughtfully at Olivia and stood, "C'mon Liv."

Olivia sat on the floor watching Alex disappear into the bedroom. The detective followed Alex, forgetting the clothes that were next to her and the bottle of tequila forgotten long ago.

When she got to the bedroom, she saw Alex sitting on the edge of her bed, looking at her feet with her hand on her lap. Olivia paused at the door, scared of what Alex was going to do.

The blonde stood, locking her eyes with Olivia's. She closed the distance between them and paused, seemingly trying weighing out the options in her head. In the end, she slid her arms around Olivia's neck, pulling the detective to her.

Olivia's arms automatically wrapped around Alex's middle. The bare skin under Olivia's fingers was electrifying. She often thought about, maybe even fantasized about, what it would be like to touch the skin of the ADA that the sun never saw. Now that she was actually doing it, her heart hammered in her chest and her breathing became shallow.

Before Olivia knew what was going on, Alex pulled back just enough to brush her lips against Olivia's. The tentative kiss turned into a slow drawn out battle of tongues, teeth, and lips.

A voice screamed in the back of Olivia's head to stop. That this wasn't Alex. It was trauma and tequila making these advances.

Finally the scream in her head, overcame the beat of her heart in her ears. She gently pulled away, placing her hands on the leather clad arms of the blonde. She looked at the momentarily confused eyes of the blonde and let out in a voice barely above a whisper, "You don't want to do this."

Alex held Olivia's eyes in a penetrating gaze. Olivia could tell from that that the tequila had done almost nothing to the blonde. She was nearly stone cold sober. After a cleansing breath, Alex explained, "I do want to do this."

"Right now?" Olivia asked the obvious question, "After what happened just a few hours ago."

Knowing that it would take more than a few seconds to explain, Alex pulled Olivia over to the bed and sat her on the edge. Closing the jacket over herself, Alex ran a hand through her hair. "My thought process on this was this could give me back control. Control of my body. Control of who I have sex with and how and when." Alex exhaled an audible stream of air, "But I guess that's not fair to you. I've been attracted to you for a very long time, but I didn't stop to think that it wasn't reciprocated and I wouldn't want to use you like that."

Olivia could see the disappointment in the blue eyes. It was laced with a tentative longing that Olivia identified as a vague emotion that had been lurking in the color of Alex's eyes for a while, she just never recognized it.

With a weak smile, Alex stood and ran another nervous hand through her hair. "I think I'm going to go take another shower."

Just as she was about to walk away, Olivia took her hand and pulled her back down to the edge of the bed. After a quick look at the blue eyes that always sucked her in, Olivia took both of Alex's hands in her own. "It's not that I don't want to be with you. I've thought about it, dreamed about it for a while, but thought nothing would happen…I just…Don't think now is a good time."

"I understand your hesitancy," Alex replied, determined to make Olivia see this her way, "But I'm really okay. I've heard what victims tell you and for a while I felt exactly like that, but what could have happened was much worse than what did happen. You saved me. I meant what I said about you being my hero, but you were me hero long before you burst through that door of the bedroom."

Olivia seemed confused if only for a moment. She looked down at their intertwined hands trying to sort out what all this was in her mind.

"Um, change of plan," Alex gently smiled, "Will you just lay with me?"

Olivia smiled back, glad Alex had settled somewhere in the middle. They crawled up the bed and Alex closed her eyes as the detective wrapped her arms around her. Olivia's hands got lost in the expanse of skin under her fingertips. Her ran her hands up and down Alex's back under the jacket in small caresses as the blonde held onto her.

Alex moaned at the contact and tilted her head so that it was now facing Olivia's neck. The breath on her neck tickled slightly and caused Olivia's body to shift slightly into Alex, accidentally sliding her knee between Alex's legs.

The blonde's breath hitched and she tried to calm herself. She mumbled into Olivia's neck, "If you keep moving like that we'll have to do more than lay here or I'm going to need a cold shower."

Olivia ginned at the statement and removed her knee, "Sorry."

"Mhmm," Alex pulled away to rest her head on the pillow next to Olivia's, "So, can I count all our dinners out as dates or do I have to start over?"

"I think we'd have to start over."

A grin appeared on Alex's face, "Alright, so are you free tonight?"


End file.
